I wish time would just STOP. NOW.

I can't believe my last post was August 18th. I can't say I've been too busy to write because that would be a lie. I've been in a constant state of writers block for four months. I'm going home for winter break in 2 days. Goodbye Boston, hello sunny CALIFORNIA. I can't wait to see my family and friends but to say I'm one-hundred percent ready to go home would be a lie. I'm dreading December 16th. I wish that time would just stop. Right now. I wish that 12-am didn't mean the new day began. It makes me want to stay up every night and not sleep a wink if it means I get that extra 6-8 hours here. I honestly don't think I've ever wanted to not go home before. I can't even let myself think about it because the thought of being gone for a whole month blows my mind. It's inconceivable. I don't think it will actually hit me until I'm home in my own bed, alone. It's not that I think things are going to change and never be the same, but I feel like I'm going to miss out on so much of life here. I don't want to miss ANYTHING and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. The fact that I won't physically be here freaks me out. I know things will be better than ever when I get back, but that's hard to put in my head right now when all I want to do is cry at the thought of being gone for 32 days. I guess I always get this way when I am traveling back and fourth but usually it's the same thing, 'I don't want to leave CALIFORNIA' or 'I can't wait to leave boston'... I'm on the other side of that this time and it's messing with my head. All I know is I'm not going to mess this one up. Let's just say I can't wait for January 18th, 7:30am :)

But the ticket.. Take the ride..

Do you ever just look out the window and stare out into space? Into the unknown? I feel like every time I look out the window there is a place I want to explore... A place I want to see... A picture I want to take. I love summer. Not only is there no school and beautiful weather, but I have so much free time. Time for myself to do whatever I want, whenever I want. No school, no practices, nothing. Just a lot of fun, stress-free time. In 8 days I'll be back in MA with a new start. A new school, new people, new friends, new teammates, new room, new classes, new life. New has always been a problem for me but this time I'm embracing it, not running from it. I am soaking it all up like the sponge I am. I'm single and for the first time in my life I am completely fine with that. I like the fact that I can be independent and not need to be with someone. I love myself and I love the fact that I can be alone and not be lonely. It's a great feeling and it's a sign that my life is heading in the right direction..

I have learned so much about myself this summer. I have learned about my likes and dislikes and what is important to be and what isn't. Life should be stress-free and beautiful. The people in your life should benefit it and if they don't then they don't deserve your time and energy. Obviously, life isn't always rainbows and butterflies, but for majority of the time life should be filled with happiness. And if it's not then you fix it. I think the best part of this summer has been my reevaluation of my life. I took control of my life and I made it my own. I broke off a relationship that in my heart wasn't working, no matter how hard it was and how bad it hurts, it unhealthy for my happiness. Not so much the other person but the situation and how terrible it was to feel unhappy with something that should be the best feeling in the world. I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I'm trying to get my life back on track.

I've learned SO many lessons this summer. You really do find out who your friends are. I think it's amazing what love will do to you. I've done so many things for other people my entire life and I always try to please everyone. I make the effort. I try to keep everyone happy. I make shit happen. And I'm done with it. And I decided to no longer care about the things I can't control. I can't care about what other people do or say. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.. and if people don't appreciate me or take me for granted.. it's their loss. I am an amazing person and if you don't want to be in my life.. and appreciate our friendship.. then don't be.. I will survive.. Word's don't mean a damn thing to me.. It's what you DO not what you SAY that makes you who you are.. and how people perceive you.. Keep that in mind..

I have my entire life ahead of me.. this is only the beginning.. I'm buying the ticket.. and taking the ride..

A Swift Sunset

Isn’t it funny how pieces come together
Just as other pieces start to come unglued
I don’t think we’re ever going to finish this portrait
This funny looking picture of me and you

“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.”

gravity

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

make a wish