my blank canvas

When I purchased my ipod, it resembled a blank canvas. It brought me back to a memory of my brother just before he would start a new painting. My brother is an abstract painter. He is 22 years old and from as far back as I can remember he has been creating masterpieces out of anything and everything. I see my ipod as a masterpiece in the making. With his paintbrush in hand, he slowly began to create what was to be a beautiful piece. Every song on my ipod just like every brush stroke adds to the final product. My ipod is the soundtrack to my life. Music fills my heart with feeling, passion, and excitement just as a blank canvas does for my brother. My ipod is my blank canvas.

i love that im gay

i love being gay. i love not having to follow the "normal" life of getting married having kids.. mom and dad.. soccer and baseball games.. big family van.. my life will probably be like that.. just a little different.. but the thing is.. it can be whatever i want it to be. and that's awesome.. there are no standards.. no path to "follow"...

i take pride in the fact that im gay. it's probably my favorite part of my life. i love being gay. it's so different.. living your whole life in one place... everyone knows you... or everyone wants to know.. almost everyone back home knows im gay... and everyone knows anna.. and most of them love us. its so easy to go somewhere and everyone is talking about their boo and someone will ask me about anna :) back home i could hold her hand basically anywhere we went and i didn't give a fuck.

here is so different. i feel like everyone is judging me. i don't know them and it's the first thing they see... they don't know me. back home everyone knew me before i was gay so when i came out it wasn't a big deal. now... it's so weird.. and i try not to give a fuck... at all... and next time she's here.. it's going to be so different.. sometimes i get so caught up in what people think.... i don't at all at home.. but here is different.. im not in my element. but being gay is the best ever and i love it.. and who gives a fuck what other people think. sometimes i forget that it took me so long to get where i am now and i think everything should just be great right away.. but it takes time..

im not usually so weird about it.. but being here and not knowing very many people weirds me out. haha eh. fuck em' if they aren't cool with it.

and seeing anna this weekend really made me think. she just loves me and doesnt give a fuck where we are or whose watching... she just loves me and wants to be with me. sometimes i get mad at her for it but im so wrong when i do. i love her just as much and i can't wait to kiss her again in 5 days. :)

yay for gays